Valentine Wolfe

Play of light
A photograph
The way I used to be
Some half forgotten stranger
Doesn’t mean that much to me

-Rush, Available Light

So, we’ve gotten a Facebook presence for the band, which I think most of you know. What I think most of you don’t know is that we were not too keen on joining the fold, which was similar to our Myspace experience. We got on MySpace primarily to protect the band name (we found some users with variations on our name), and EVERYONE kept telling us we HAD to have MySpace.

Which, of course, everyone is saying/said about Facebook, is saying about Twitter, and will, no doubt say about whatever comes next.

I get Facebook’s appeal-I really do. It is about a million times easier to use than Myspace, has a cleaner user interface, offers more relevant suggestions to enhance the user’s experience, and not once have I been blinded by garish html graphic nightmares, had my browser crash from the graphics overload, or gone deaf because I was listening to music on itunes and someone decided that putting up all their favorite black metal hits to play at once would be cool.

And part of the appeal, from what I hear, is the ability to “re-connect” with people from your past. Now, before I go too much further, let me make one thing crystal clear: I’m not addressing the next paragraph to anyone in particular, and this is sort my own way of examining my neurosis…in other words, don’t get all Carly Simon on me.

I’ve seen profiles on Facebook from many old friends and people that used to be the center of my world, and the idea of talking to them again, sometimes after multiple decades, didn’ illicite feelings of joy and nostalgia, but profoundly awkward and uncomfortable feelings. I’m not entirely sure why…I don’t dislike these people, or remember them badly. In fact, I feel I owe a few of them profound apologies, and even that won’t fix anything, except maybe me.

I suppose what stirs in me is the ambivalence/lack of wanting to re-connect/catch up/reunite/whatever else it is.  I’ve little desire to go back in time. I’m happy with the forward only setting.  But I’m quite sure these people have changed just as radically as I have as time has passed, and I wonder if they would feel as I do: when I think back to me at 17, 20, even 25, I don’t recognize that person. It as, as the lyrics say, a half forgotten stranger that doesn’t mean that much to me.  The thought of some of the current people in my life turning into echoes from the past disturbs me so deeply that I’m sure words can quite frame the waves of angst it brings.

But this is grasping, and if I know anything, the surest way to lose anything to hold on with a death grip.

My intent isn’t to always make the diary this confessional or autobiographical…on the other hand, entries like this should answer questions anyone might have about what a song means or what inspires me. I don’t condemn of struggle with feelings I’ve discussed, but I’ve been learning to observe them and be honest about them. And all in all, if i haven’t spoken to you in years, I probably do miss you, so send that add request.

If, for no other reason, I know this goth band you’ve just GOT to hear…

Tags: creativity, Introspection, Musings, thinking

This entry was posted on Friday, March 5th, 2010 at 8:08 am and is filed under Tranmissions and Missives. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.